the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
