Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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