we're blogging at a bar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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