yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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