He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
