I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
