we have officially lost it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
