when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
