hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
