she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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