are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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