Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
