how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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