Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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