Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
