and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
