Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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