You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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