If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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