sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
