i would punch a child for taco bell
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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