I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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