So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
