I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
