get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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