I want you more than these girls want KFC
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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