we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I could fuck to npr.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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