i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
