sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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