You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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