There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
