you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
