You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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