and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
