I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
