Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
