when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dicks are not precious.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
