she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
