youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
