I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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