If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
