No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
