The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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