he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
