I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
