I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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