Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
