but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
