i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
