So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
