If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
