I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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