I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
