turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
